SELF-SABOTAGE SERIES: PAST EXPERIENCES CAUSING SELF-SABOTAGE
PAST EXPERIENCES CAUSING SELF-SABOTAGE
This is an excerpt of THINK Yourself™ SUCCESSFUL on how and why we continue to reinforce an unwanted behaviour.
“There is no failure, only feedback.” – NLP Presupposition
Every action we partake in generates a result. Whether it is a successful result or not, every attempt at success will generate a result. We hope it’s a positive one but it may or may not work. Or it will work for a while and you may lose your ambition for a time. Your own past experience is there to teach you what did not work so that you can try something else. If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
If your previous attempts at success didn’t work, then you need to receive feedback about why. Ask yourself what worked and what didn’t work. Each action will give you a result. Success or not, whatever you do, you will obtain a result. Every action will give you information. This result will teach you a great deal about the action you performed. Was it successful? Did it work? Did it last? What can you do differently now to generate a different result?
Everything we do is only a trial. An experiment. We all have a certain percentage of success that follows us around. We all do things and we end up with a success rate of let’s say 20%. That means that 1 action out of 5 generates a good reaction. The other 4 things are guiding us there. We are learning what doesn’t work so that we can get to the magic 5th successful action. Every time we do something that doesn’t work, that means that we get closer and closer to reaching the one that will work. Each move in our life is a stepping-stone towards something else.
Everybody we meet, every article or blog that we read, every action that we do, they are there temporarily to bring us to the next level. Living your life with this philosophy will help you respond better to what you viewed in the past as a failure. The next time something doesn’t work out just say, “All right! That means that I’m now at three out of five and I have only two or more things to learn before I get it right!”
Repeat this: ”I succeed at learning whatever I need to learn for my goal. I succeed at growing. I succeed at getting better and improving myself. Then I have another goal: To do it again and learn some more.”
“Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.” — Josh Billing
It took Mo six months before she had the courage to send in her book outline to a publishing company: “Being a published author was one of my “big bucket” goals for 15 years. When a renowned publishing house approached me to write my book, you would assume I jumped at the opportunity. Well, I did initially, and within weeks I wrote the entire book outline, along with a number of chapters, but instead of sending it to the publisher for consideration, the manuscript sat on my desktop.
With each passing day I thought about my book, I became even more excited about it, then repeatedly talked myself out of sending it. Even I questioned what was holding me back, and with the help of my coach, I realized that it was my own negative self-belief and fear of rejection at play. I was recalling the past (as far back as high school), when I was criticized by my teachers for my writing and reading skills and cut from the team for lack of talent and ability. My coach helped me to see that by attaching a negative past experience (and perhaps an overprotective ego) to my intention, I was standing in the way of achieving my goal. Fear of criticism, fear of rejection by a top Canadian publishing house, and fear of failure were all at the top of my mind sabotaging my dream of becoming an author. With the help of my coach, I was able to refocus my thinking about the benefits associated with publishing a book, and to reflect on past experiences as lessons learned and opportunities gained.”
One hour after she left her coach’s office, Mo emailed her manuscript to the publisher. Within one week she received an invitation to meet with one of their editors. A few weeks later, Mo received a contract to write not one, but two fitness books.
Now when Mo is letting fear take over and self-sabotage set in, she is able to reflect and reframe her limiting beliefs. She will often think back to this experience when she is feeling unsure of herself. Mo still works with the same coach today.